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Finding the ideal partner.

 Extracts from The Lazy Sod's Guide to Sex << Click for more information

Where to find them.

So, youíre a guy and you want to meet chicks. Well actually you want to do a bit more than that Ė but first things first. The mistake most blokes make is going to clubs and pubs in search of nookie. Bad move! Thereís far too much competition Ė and the other guys are better looking, better hung and drive better cars than you. So letís face it thereís more chance of your granny winning the sex olympics that there is of you scoring at the pub. Hereís a list of places where itís easier for Lazy Sods to find willing chicks:


Cyberspace: Chat Rooms are brilliant places to find totty! You can create a profile that makes you sound rich, dynamic and exciting. You can load photos of a sexy male model and tell everyone that itís you. And the greatest part of this deception is that everyone does it, so when you meet for real, she wonít complain, for she will be dull, fat and ugly Ė just like you.


Funeral Parlours: Her husband has just passed away so sheís all alone in the world and feeling vulnerable. Time to move in! Put your arm around her in a comforting sort of way and say softly, ĎIím sorry to hear about your loss. It must be hard getting no sex Ė you must be gagging for it. Come to my place after the funeral and Iíll show you what youíre missing.í This subtle approach always works and often leads to marriage. A word of caution Ė if the husband died under suspicious circumstances, donít eat anything she cooks.


Brothels: Even the scruffiest, Lazy Sod can usually get a leg over in a brothel. Simply turn up, pay the money and select from the range of old hags on offer. As these mouldy-oldies will remind you of your granny, you will want to shoot your load quickly then get the hell out of the place. All thatís left to be done is to arrange a trip to the VD Clinic for another doze of penicillin.

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